Slipping Away
by CaitiePaigee
Summary: For the first time in his life, James is happy, until it all goes bad. After losing Kendall, James falls into mental turmoil. He wants nothing more than to be with his one and only love. Will he throw everything away to find Kendall again? Slash.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Hey guys! I know I said I would finish the Show Me Oneshot (by making it a twoshot) but obviously I've gotten really sidetracked, So I'm sorry for the lack of updates. Over the last few days I've really been working hard on a plot line for a brand new multichapter, and this is what I've come up with. I never plan out stories - Do you know how much of a feat that is for me! I'll warn you now, the first chapter is a little short, but it will get better, I promise. I also apologize for any mistakes, grammatical errors, or just general roughness... My beta is off on camp for two weeks.**

**Disclaimer: As much as I enjoyed having all four of them in my bed last night, I do not own anyone in Big Time Rush, and as much as I would love to, I don't make any profits from this story.**

**Written on the 29th February - 1st March 2012. Also dedicated to addiesclone'-'adommy. Happy surviving-the-first-day-of-kitchen-bitching day (even though its a million and one days late. Longest beginning A/N ever. I'll just shutup now.**

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><p><strong>Slipping Away<strong>

Chapter 1

Sitting on the bonnet of his grey Skyline, James Diamond pushed his hair up off his face, looking out over the ocean. A soft breeze had dishevelled his hair slightly, but he didn't care. The palm trees gave a little bit of shade in the late afternoon sun. In just moments, his boyfriend would be with him and everything would be okay again. Smiling as Kendall's familiar silver Volvo pulled into the dusty car park next to him, he opened the door and greeted his boyfriend with a soft kiss to the lips. "Hey babe."

Kendall smiled, blushing slightly. "Hey yourself." He grabbed James' hand in his and led him over to the base of the palm trees.

"So what are the plans for the rest of today?"

"Well, I thought we could watch the sun set together. Maybe a little cuddling, maybe a bit of kissing." He watched as James' cheeks grew rosy pink. "Fuck. Hold on a second, I forgot the blanket."

James watched as the tall blonde bounced back to his car, his long, lanky legs covering a lot of ground quickly. He laughed at the unusual forgetfulness of his boyfriend. James took a little glance out at the waves again. You could smell the sea in the air, and the sky was just starting to turn a tangerine type of colour, making the clouds go slightly pink. He glanced back, waiting for his boyfriend to come bounding back. Kendall ran back fast, getting only a few metres away then stopping, clutching at his chest and panting heavily. James grew worried, and covered the short distance to his boyfriend. "Kendall, are you okay?"

Kendall took a few shallow breaths, and replied "Uh-huh". James still wasn't convinced, and tilted his lover's head up so he could see his face. Pain coursed through Kendall's chest, and even though he was keeping a brave face for James, he failed. James could see the pain in Kendall's eyes, along with the other giveaways that something was wrong – Kendall's skin was very flushed, he was breathing really shallowly and was sweating up a storm. Kendall was normally healthy as a horse… he never got sick. Returning his eyes back to his boyfriends', James asked worriedly. "Kendall, what's wrong?"

Kendall puffed, standing up straight. "My chest just hurt a little, that's all."

James was not convinced. "Has it happened before?"

"Um, yeah... a few times."

The brunette gave the blonde a concerned look, then accepted it was all okay. He grabbed his boyfriends' hand and started to lead him back under the palms, when Kendall faltered his step and stumbled into James.

Standing him back up, James looked Kendall in the eye, and he looked a little dazed and disoriented. "Maybe we should go home… you don't look so good."

Kendall ran a hand through his hair, and reluctantly nodded his head in agreement groggily. They both hopped into James' car, deciding on coming back in the morning to pick up Kendall's, and made their way back to the Palmwoods. The blonde softly rested his head against the glass, and James smiled as he returned his gaze back to the road for the short ride home.

Back at the Palmwoods, Carlos was playing videogames on the couch, kicking over the bowl of popcorn as he tried to pass a particularly hard level, wildly flailing when he failed for the eighth time. "Logie!" he called across the apartment, waiting for the smart boy to come and help.

The raven-haired teen emerged from his room with a groan of disapproval, annoyed that he was being interrupted while trying to finish his chemistry assignment. "What is it Carlos, I'm busy."

"I can't get past this level!" He looked at the smart boy, pouting his lips a little for emphasis. "Can you help me?"

Logan looked around the room, seeing that no one was there, and stepped toward the couch where the latino was seated, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. "What's the problem?"

"I can't get the zoomy thing past the space balls and I just blow up."

Logan looked at the confused boy, quite baffled by what he had said. Carlos looked at Logan with the puppy dog eyes, trying to get the smart boy to help. "Fine. Play it and let me see."

Carlos' face lit up, and he quickly pressed the restart level button. After dodging just a few asteroids, he once again crashed and burned. Logan stroked his chin for a second before quickly replying. "Its just simple physics. Mass times acceleration equals the force of gravity-"

"Can you explain it in words I understand!"

Logan looked critically at his helmet-wearing friend. "You need to go faster, and take the wormhole on the left instead of on the right."

The look on Carlos' face was like as if someone had told him the secret of life. Jumping up and enveloping the smart boy in a tight bear hug, the latino cried out "Thanks Logie!"

Before Logan got the chance to protest, the apartment door swung wide open and James strolled in, Kendall only a step behind him. "Whoa, are we interrupting something?" James said with a sly smile.

Carlos and Logan took one look at each other, and then jumped over opposite sides of the room, cheeks thoroughly red. "I-I'm just gonna go finish the h-homework t-that I forgot to d-do" Logan quickly said, making a quick beeline for the room he and Carlos shared. Carlos hastily ran through the door yelling something about hanging out with Lightning down by the pool. James chuckled at the antics of his best friends, shaking his head slightly. "So Kendall, I guess we have the apartment to ourselves for a while…" The brunette turned back towards the couch, seeing his boyfriend lying horizontal on the couch, shielding his eyes from the light of the room with his arm. Carefully lowering himself onto the garish orange couch next to his boyfriend, being careful not to sit on any part of him, James brushed his fingers through the blondes' long bangs. "Are you okay baby?"

The blonde stirred a little, slowly dropping his arm to lie on his chest, squinting his eyes. "Yeah, I'm ok. I just have a little headache, that's all." James really felt for his boyfriend. Whenever Kendall got sick, which was very rarely, he would always get hit by it hard. He grabbed the blondes' hand, rubbing his thumb along the back of it supportively. "I'll go get you some aspirin."

Kendall smiled. "Thanks baby." The brunette brought him a glass of water and the two pills, which went down swiftly. James could see how tense Kendall was, so he rubbed the blonde's back to try to ease the tension in his body. Kendall relaxed, resting his head on James' shoulder. "You wanna watch a movie Ken?"

The blonde nodded his head, stifling a yawn, and James chuckled. "How about we get you to bed instead?"

"Mmmhmmm." The blonde mumbled, settling further into James' side. The brunette smiled at his lover again, and carefully slid his hands under him, picking the blonde up and cradling him in his muscular arms. Walking down the hallway, he placed a soft kiss to the blondes forehead, carefully lying him down on the bed. Knowing that Kendall would have trouble sleeping, he climbed into bed with the blonde, and cradled him in his arms.

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><p><strong>AN: Let me know what you think, R&R, blah blah blah. Love all the feedback, I feed off of it guys. -Caitiee xoxox**


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors Note: I promised I would get the next chapter posted before I went camping for Easter. Which means I'm actually on time, considering I go camping tomorrow. I haven't even written chapter 3 yet, so this could go any way, but I know where I want to go. As always, please R&R, love all your feedback! (: I'll be without internet until the 14th, so don't have too much fun without me! -Caitiee xoxoxo  
><strong>

Chapter 2

10am. Logan, Carlos, James and Kendall all headed down to Rocque Records, ready for a day of recording for the upcoming single. Upon arriving, Kelly stopped the boys in the foyer.

"Morning Kelly!" The boys greeted in unison.

"Hey guys, ready for another day in the studio?"

Kendall smiled, being polite, although he realised what this would mean – six hours of vocals, and at least ninety-nine per cent of the time Gustavo would be yelling at them. "Sure am."

Kelly's phone buzzed in her hand, and she groaned as she read through the text. "Gustavo is gonna be late. He's got a meeting with Griffin."

Logan looked towards Kendall and Carlos looked towards James, then they all turned towards Kelly with excited looks on their faces. "Does this mean…"

Kelly rolled her eyes, waving her phone around mindlessly. "Yes, you guys can have a bit of free time-" The boys all cheered in unison while high-fiving. Kelly cleared her throat, and the boys finished their celebrating. "BUT, you need to stay here at the studio. Gustavo isn't sure of when he's gonna get back, but I'm not sending you home to risk getting stuck in LA traffic." She gazed at her ever-present clipboard and huffed. "I have some work to do, so I'll be in my office." She made sure to look everyone in the eye and added "Don't do anything stupid."

As Kelly walked out, the boys gathered into a quick huddle. "What are we gonna do?" Logan asked, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed comfortably.

Kendall looked from Logan, to James, then to Carlos. "Anyone got any ideas?"

The latino started jumping around in his spot, squealing "Oooh, pick mee!" and waving his hand around in the air madly.

"Umm, Carlos. What is your ide-"

"LET'S PLAY HIDE AND SEEK!"

Kendall thought back to the last time they'd played hide and seek. They were twelve years old and had decided to spend the day in town. They spent hours and hours searching for Logan, and they finally found the smart boy stuck in a stormwater drain after he'd slipped on a banana peel while trying to figure out a good place to hide. Logan getting lost aside, it was a great game. "I don't see why not."

Logan looked towards Kendall with a worried look in his eyes. Carlos saw how scared the smart boy was, obviously still mentally scarred from being stuck in a drain for four hours, even after the five years that had passed since then. "I'll stay with you Logie. We won't get lost." He patted the pale boy's shoulder. "It'll be alright."

The pale boy nodded, slightly blushing when he turned back to the others as Carlos grabbed his hand.

"James, you're up first. Give us to the count of thirty." Kendall said, straightening up.

"Okay… One, two, three, four," Grabbing out his ever-present mirror, James moved one little hair back into place, still counting. "Sixteen. Seventeen… Well, aren't you just looking smashing today Mr. Diamond?..." He put his mirror back into his pocket, smiling smugly, which didn't last very long. "Wait, where was I up to?"

Kelly wandered back into the foyer an hour later, typing on her phone, when she trod on something that shouldn't be there. Looking at her feet, she realised the culprit was a poster, and gasped as she looked around the rest of the room. Vases were smashed, guitars were halfway through the walls, and all of the posters had one or more holes in them. Screaming could be heard from the corridor, James chasing after Carlos wielding a bow loaded with drumsticks for arrows. "I TOLD YOU TO NEVER SPEAK OF THAT!"

Carlos turned to James, while looking at Logan, who was trying his best to stay out of the fight. "What, that you kissed Jenny Tinkler back in third grade?"

Kendall and Logan suddenly joined in the conversation. "YOU KISSED JENNY TINKLER?"

James' eyes glazed over in a fury of his secret being found out. Logan turned to Kendall. "Run?"

"RUN!" Kendall replied, making a hasty exit towards the studio.

The three ran into the main studio, followed by a raging James. Logan quickly took cover behind the protection of the drums, Kendall nearby behind the speaker stacks.

"BOYS!" All four stopped, James holding Carlos by the neck of his shirt, Logan wielding a pair of drumsticks for protection.

Kelly walked into the room, pulling James off of Carlos and throwing each of the boys out of the way. "What is Gustavo gonna say when he sees this!"

Kendall slid out from behind the speaker stacks, feeling that the room was safe enough, and answered "Well, knowing Gustavo, it's probably gonna sound like-"

"AAAAAAAHHHHHRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHH!" The music producers' voice bellowed from the foyer, as if on cue. He thundered towards the door, bursting though like . "WHAT HAPPENED WHILE I WAS GONE!"

When no one stepped forwards, faces twisting in guilt, Logan started. "Well, we were playing hide and seek." He looked from left to right at the other boys. "Carlos and I went to find a place to hide, and so did Kendall. Carlos stuffed the two of us in the supplies closet, and it was way too squishy. So when we tried to get out-"

"The door swung open, and whacked James in the face." Carlos said, looking nervous as he thought about the consequences that were on the horizon.

"My foot got caught on the bucket and Carlos and I fell on top of James.-"

James interjected "And that's when you broke my LUCKY COMB!", taking a step towards Carlos.

"And you knocked my helmet off my HEAD." Carlos replied, mirroring the action of the tall boy.

"And that's when I ran away." Logan added, making a run for the door.

"HOLD IT." Gustavo and Kelly replied in unison, as Logan, admitting defeat, trode back to his place.

"So, then this whole fight started, because Logan was a gumby-tard?" Gustavo said, taking off the garish orange bug-eyed glasses.

Logan, Carlos and James all replied "Yes" in unison.

Kelly turned around. "Wait, wait, hold on a second." She pointed an accusing glare at Kendall. "So where were you while all of this was happening?"

Kendall sighed, looking from person to person, each reflecting the same questioning look. "I was taking a shit."

Kelly rolled her eyes dramatically, turning back to Gustavo. "What are we gonna do?"

"Well, there's nothing they can do that will help us in any way," He said, turning to the boys. "Dogs, GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!"

The four boys trudged out of Rocque Records, heads bowed in guilt.

**A/N: I don't even know why I made Kendall say that. I had the idea at the start of the chapter and it spiraled. Hahaha (:**

**Happy Holidays everyone!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Authors Note:** I just want to quickly thank everyone for the continued support, even though I have been so crappy at updating regularly. When the next chapter is posted, there will be two posted one after the other... Chapter four is really short, and I haven't found a way around it just yet, but either four and five will merge or it will stay as two chapters. Either way you'll find out when its posted. I'd like to thank _Mega Klaine Lover, annabellex2, ladyM90, RaidiantWaterfalls, kikkina123, FavUYA, kendallsgirl12, elissab23, sasukemyemo394, chefgirl1000 _And anyone that I may or may not have left out for all of you faves, alerts and reviews. You guys have really kept me going. x

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><p>After the guilt of their earlier mishaps had gotten to them, the four plopped down on the couch with a groan. They all felt pretty horrible, and Carlos even started to sniffle.<p>

"Carlitos, buddy, what's with the waterworks?" The blonde said, rubbing the smaller boy's shoulder a little.

"I feel funny guys. I don't like this feeling…" He trailed off, looking at his shoes.

Logan stood up, raising his hand for Carlos to grab. "How 'bout ice cream and a movie to turn that frown up-side-down?"

The latino boy's eyes lit up, although he still tried to remain sombre. He failed, cracking a smile as her replied "That sounds good.".

The two shorter boys walked out of the apartment, hand in hand, leaving James and Kendall alone on the couch, the blonde turning to the taller boy. "How are you feeling after today?"

The brunette sighed. "Weird. My like my stomach is clenching and it won't leave me alone. I don't like this feeling."

The blonde chuckled, snuggling into his boyfriend's side. "That's called guilt Diamond."

"I know what guilt is."

"So 'The Face' really does have a heart?"

"Heart enough to put up with someone as annoying," he smiled, gingerly poking Kendall's nose, then added "but cute, as you."  
>The blonde seemed to just melt then and there, leaning up to give the brunette a chaste kiss on the lips. "Popcorn and a movie?"<p>

James smiled, "Sounds just perfect." dazzling Kendall slightly. The blonde moved to the kitchen, scratching around in the cupboard for the treats, and James moved to the DVD player, picking a movie and sliding it in the slot. Hearing a clatter and a groan, the brunette made his way to the small kitchen area, leaning over the small counter and seeing a wonderful sight. The blonde was bent over, reaching right into the back of the cupboard to find the right bowl, groaning when something clattered or crashed. James thought of how much he liked that ass, and then his mind went through the motions of remembering the last time they made love. It was over a month ago, but still he could remember every single place Kendall loved, every touch that sent him crazy, every move that sent him over the moon.

"James?"

Startled out of his thoughts, he realised he had been smiling like a complete idiot at the blonde. "Umm, yeahh?"  
>"Could you pass me the butter?"<p>

"Sure baby" He passed the butter out of the fridge, placing it on the bench and wrapping his arms around the tall blonde. Kendall sighed, leaning back on James for support. "It's been so long."

"So long since what?" James queried.

He blonde looked around the apartment, raising a hand to his ear and hearing nothing – complete silence, except for the soft breathing coming from the two of them. He leaned into James, whispering in his ear "Since we've had the place alone," he let his breath caress the shell of James' ear, "All. To. Ourselves.".

Kendall was right. The two hadn't had the place alone for at least three months, and with their raging teenage hormones, that was a long time. I mean, sure, they'd messed around before, but it was hard to try and keep quiet while the others were around. So, they settled for only when the apartment was alone, which, when six people lived there, was hardly ever.

Hearing those three simple words left James going slightly weak at the knees, leaning his forehead against the blonde before dragging him in for a kiss. His arms reached around the back of Kendall's neck, giving a soft tug at the tuft of hair at the nape of his neck, swallowing the small moan the blonde breathed out. Tongues slid together in unison – a dance of grace. Kendall moved his hands to cup James' ass, squeezing the flesh slightly. The brunette moaned, rolling his hips forwards into the blonde. Kendall gasped loudly, breaking the kiss, the need for air becoming too great. James moved his head lower, moving to suck at the soft skin at Kendall's neck as the blondes breath hitched. He moaned as the slightly shorter boy gave his hair a slight tug to stop, looking directly into dark green eyes blown with lust.

"Bedroom. Now." The blonde growled, tugging the brunette along by the arm roughly. James closed the door quickly with a loud clap, flicking the lock. With less than a second of warning, Kendall attacked the brunette, pinning him against the door with a heavy thud. James roughly grabbed at Kendall's shirt, hearing the stitching popping as he pulled the material further and further away from the blonde's lightly toned body, shoving him towards the bed with a grunt. Grasping the back of James' neck, the blonde pulled the brunette in for a heated kiss, running his hand up and down the brunette's side. His fingers grazed over the tanned skin of James' back, leaving slight red marks as the brunette thrust his hips forward again, the tension in his body slowly becoming too much as the blonde moaned again, sending chills up his spine. Teeth clashed, the moans reverberating the excitement in each other's bodies. Playfully biting the blondes lip, James raised himself up, seating himself on Kendall's hips, moaning when he could feel the blondes' growing arousal. Kendall sat up, flipping the two over so James was now underneath him. He ground his hips down, relishing the look of need on the brunettes face, stretching up to nibble on his earlobe.

"I want you tonight." Kendall whispered, letting his breath caress the shell of James' ear.

James looked him straight in the eyes, the look of lust replaced now with concern. "But you're tired-"

"I know. Just do it. I want you to." Kendall said, running his hands through his long blond bangs, brushing them off his face. "Fuck. I can't take it anymore."

James laughed, smiling mischievously, thrusting upwards slightly to meet the blonde boys' hips above him. "Why, is someone a little hot under the collar?"

Kendall's eyes turned from dark green to black, pure lust circulating through his system. He reached down, attaching himself to James' neck again, grazing his teeth across the tanned skin earning a growl from the brunette. The paler of the two sat up slightly, removing his shirt in a haste to go back to James' warm neck, intending on leaving a purplish mark that would last for days. James ran his hands all over Kendall's lightly toned stomach, earning a moan of approval as his fingers toyed inside the waistband of the blonde's jeans. Flipping the two over again, James proceeded to peel his shirt off. Kendall had seen James shirtless countless times, but every time he still gawked in amazement at the god-like being in front of him. The way every little muscle rippled underneath the tanned skin, how each little ridge was very prominent, the shape of his hips, his neatly manicured treasure trail… It had him moaning at just the sight of it, hardening as he graced his fingertips over the brunettes' sun-kissed body. His fingers played across the sensitive skin just below James' hips, the brunette growling as he grabbed for the blonde's belt, ripping the pants off and letting them fly to some piece of furniture across the room - if not the floor. His own jeans joined them not long after, leaving the two in just their underwear. Kendall grabbed at the brunette's hips, a steady grip that was sure to leave bruises in the morning, dragging the tanned boy in for a heated kiss. Teeth clashed, Kendall moaning as James thrust his hips forward again, grinding down and helping to relieve some much-needed friction, the blonde moaning "Off" when he could, James finally getting the message when Kendall ripped the material from the stitching on the side. The two hastily stepped out of their underwear, hands running wildly over each other's bodies, exploring what had been lost to each other since the last time they made love. Bringing two fingers to his lips, James coated them up nice and slick, running them down Kendall's body before spreading the blondes' legs. He looked to the blonde, silently asking for permission. He looked up at James, nodding in response.

"Just relax baby, you'll be fine." James teased his fingers around the tight hole, slowly pressing a finger in and then moving it in and out slowly, getting Kendall to relax by rubbing his stomach a little. When he felt the blonde was ready, he added a second, scissoring slightly and hearing him hiss a little in pain. James curled is fingers, reaching for that one sweet spot that would help him relax much quicker, smiling as he heard a gasp followed by a moan. "James, ngh, right there."

"Just imagine my big dick inside of you." the brunette replied with a smirk. The slightly shorter of the two moaned loudly, pushing back against James' fingers, head lulling backwards against the pillows.

"J-James, don't, I d-don't wanna just yet…" He looked at James with needy eyes. "I'm ready"

Without a second to waste, knowing how riled up he was, let alone the blonde on the bed in front of him, James pushed himself into the tight heat, moans and screams of pleasure filling the night, legs and bodies intertwined, giving in to desires and each becoming a piece of each other.

Sometime in the early hours of the morning, the brunette cuddled up to the blonde under the sheets, bathing in the shine of the moonlight coming through the sheer curtains. Little did he know that those were the last few moments he would have with the blonde, as Kendall unknowingly took his last breath, drifting off to a forever sleep.

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><p><strong>AN: **Just dont kill me... I know. But this is still only the start. I have a lot more planned... I'm sorry its been taking so long to update, I get so caught up with school and work and urgh. But yes, I will be doin gmy best to get updating more often, and hopefully I wont get writers block on chapter 6 either.

Please please please guys read and review, it seriously keeps me going and motivates me a lot. xx - Caitiee


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